I Am Just A Grandmother, But Evidently A Deplorable One

I Am Just A Grandmother

(But Evidently A Deplorable One)

I don't think I have always been "deplorable". I grew up in a military household, moving several times to accommodate the Air Force. My dad was a good man, and quite handsome. My mother followed along but later in life, I realized it wasn't so willingly. I had younger brothers that I cared for during the end of the Vietnam War while Dad was moving TDY to different islands in the Pacific Rim. Mom was getting an education to "better" herself. That left me, at 12, 13, 14 to start caring for my brothers. I wasn't the best sister, but I can say now that I don't know what I would do without my brothers. I love them so much and all in all, we have a good relationship, as different as we all are. I don't consider myself back woods, ignorant, country, uneducated, none of the things that I see HRC's supporters calling me. 

I am now 57 years old and have recently let my hair go to its natural color - grey. Not because I really choose this, but circumstances choose it for me. I really wish I could afford to pay the money to keep it colored and highlighted to hide the grey but there are more pressing responsibilities.  You see, at 51, my husband and I became the primary caregivers for one of our grandchildren. She was born, CPS was involved, and she came home with us. Don't get me wrong, I can't imagine our lives without her. She has brought VERY positive things in to our life's but a lot of responsibility. This doesn't come without cost to our other grandchildren because we function as her parents instead of her grandparents. Sometimes it is painful for the other grandchildren and their parents to understand. I know one day when they are our age, they will see it a little more clearly.

Now, with that background, I will admit this. My husband has called me a bleeding heart Democrat for years. I firmly believe that education is the only way out of poverty. Children do not have a say in their circumstances. And most of all, what about the children in other countries left to suffer and die from disease and hunger, war and neglect? I considered myself a little more middle of the road. I voted that way too over several elections. My husband is going to read this and for the first time know I wasn't always a straight republican ticket voter!! 

However, this election has been difficult. Raising a child in today's environment with the needs and requirements to try and give her the best quality of life, knowing one day that kids will make fun of her for living with her old grandparents, I want her to be confident, brave, fierce and know that she is the best she could possibly be. 

You see, I lost my job for taking her in to our home. A job I had climbed up the ladder for. Thirty years working in a male dominated industry, and to eventually get to that place I wanted to be and was proud to be. I didn't go to college, because I was raising children. I went from raising my brothers to raising my own children. By the way, raising kids was something I thought I knew how to do so well already, but in fact, I look back to that time forty years ago when our first son was born and I was ignorant, immature and didn't have a clue. 

My boss offered me a promotion, then rescinded it when he wrote me an email calling me a loving enabler and Mother Hubbard type for taking our granddaughter in. I never asked, but wonder if HE would let his grandchild go in to the Foster Care System. In Texas it is truly deplorable. He fired me four months after calling me a Mother Hubbard. I had "family obligations" he found concerning.  He then promptly hired a man. I wonder if the newly hired man was ask about his family obligations?  Did you know that Caregivers are not a protected class under the Civil Rights Act of 1964? If I had been gay, I would be protected, a person of color - protected, on and on and on. Because I was a Caregiver for a child, or anyone caring for an elderly family member, I was not protected. I am LUCKY so to speak, because he used the term Mother Hubbard which gave me the right to file an Equal Employment Opportunity Commission complaint based on sex discrimination.

Also, did you realize that because we took our granddaughter in, there are no offers of financial support. Don't get me wrong. We didn't take her for that. If she had gone into the Foster System, there are financial stipends as there should be for someone taking in a child. Welfare offers stipends for mothers that continue to have children.  Our government increases their food stamps, welfare checks and Medicaid. Because we kept Miss Thang out of Foster Care, we support her.  

When I lost my job, that became quite a game changer and was very difficult for me personally AND for us. Here we were at a time in our lives when we were suppose to be planning for retirement and trying to put away all we possibly could, and my promotion was really going to allow us to plan for our family of three, but instead we had to change our way of thinking.   

So, as this election started taking shape and I realized that my true choices were going to be HRC or DJT, I looked at them both. I will admit that being from a military family, what happened in Benghazi with those military fathers, brothers, families was very difficult for me to swallow.  I think that was my biggest obstacle with HRC.  I found her to be profoundly insincere.   He was a blowhard, loud mouth, that let his biggest downfall be OPENING HIS MOUTH. She was just as guilty of that when she called Trump supporters a "basket of deplorable's".  HRC protected her husband from years of his indiscretions yet called him out for his sexist ways. 

I had no idea as I walked in to that voting booth on the first day of early voting, what I was going to do. Did I throw away my vote to the Independent or Green candidate, or did I take a plunge and make a choice on our two main candidates. I actually stood in that booth, granddaughter at my side, and looked at the ballot. Could I just leave the President boxes unchecked? No one would ever know. Or, did I make a choice and take a gamble. I choose to click the DJT box. I have had enough of our government intruding on everything. Except that which I found important. 

Healthcare is a mess. Insurance companies pulling out of states because of losses. The healthy young population not buying in to the ACA and taking the risk, leaving the older, less healthy population to drain the system. Even with group coverage, which we are blessed to have through my husband's employer, our cost goes up every year. 

How can we care for other nations, when we can't care for our own adults, children, and veterans? We have an entire generation of children being raised by grandparents. I truly believe, this will get worse as the next generation has children. How can the people voted in by us to represent us, our congressmen and representatives completely disregard the constituents that voted them in to office.  I want to be a person of change. I have worked for the last year to get my two congressmen and one representative to even return an email, much less a phone call to discuss adding Caregivers to the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This is not just a party response. 

Whether Democrat or Republican, they just don't care if you don't have a donation check in your hand. We need to drain the swamp of the "hands out, blood sucking people in Washington". I think there need to be term limits. New blood, new ideas - what a NOVEL idea!!  If what isn't working ISN"T working, then make changes. Clearly, that isn't possible with life long, living off our dime people in Washington. 

I found HRC to be part of that establishment. She was hooked in with all the right people. She had her connections. She was disconnected and choose not to work to gain the white voter. She courted celebrities, but do you really think anyone buys a song on iTunes or goes to a movie because the singer/star supports a particular candidate?   It was an American/Washington Insider issue, from the President, to the Congress, and on down. 

So, with Miss Thang at my side, I clicked the button for Trump. While his mouth is completely offensive at times, he still seems to be able to get things done that need to be done. Change in our society that needs to be made. Support for the American families so that when we are all good and healthy, we can then step out and attempt to fix other countries and their families. Change that really matters.

So all this said, I am not uneducated. I am not ignorant. I just wanted change. I no longer was satisfied with the status quo. I respect your choice and the way your life experience helped you decide who to vote for. Please respect mine. 

Now, I am hopeful that as we move along, we can all work together and see change. Change that YOU and I are making together.

Playing the Big Money Game

Playing the Big Money Game

Today while having my yearly evalation with my employer, he commented several times "Are you in or are you out". I believe the question was more rhetorical, but it made me think about all the times we make decisions. 

Some decisions are made laborious and some decisions are made on the spur of the moment. Some won't really matter ten minutes, two day, or even ten years from now. What am I going to eat for dinner? Should I put my resume out and start looking for that next rung on the corporate ladder?  My next car is going to be a ......(fill in the blank).

Other decisions will, and can, have life changing effects on us.  Some of those changes can be almost immediant. Do I go take that final? Do I go on a second date with him when I don't find myself attracted to him? Is this the place I want to live at this point in my life? Some of these decisions can be critical....Do I quit my job to do what I really want to do. Do I sacrifice and do without to achieve a dream of ...(again, fill in the blank)?

Sometimes it is fun to spend the day doing fun, uncomplicated things. It allows us to smile, enjoy, and not take life so seriously. Something my spouse tends to lecture me about. I am trying to remember that everything isn't life and death.

When I use to work in plumbing showrooms several years ago, I would get so frustrated with these homeowners that would come in and need to select faucets, tubs, sinks, and toilets for SEVERAL bathrooms. Oh, and don't forget the kitchen and the 5 minibars throughout the house...OK, that was kind of tongue in cheek :). After working through a couple of bathrooms, I would find myself day dreaming as the homeowner (usually a woman) would stress completely out about what lavatory faucet to put in bathroom C and what the finish would be. Sometimes just this simple selection could take hour upon hour. 

I would fantasize saying to her, with a smile of course,"You aren't curing cancer, and you aren't burying a child....you are selecting a FAUCET! It can be changed later if you grow tired of it". The truth is that rarely when an entire home is finished, does someone come in and say "You know, I still hate that faucet in Bathroom C". It just doesn't happen because the homeowner is looking at the big picture!

I wish I was really good at following my own advice. I fail on a regular basis to LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE. I can't see past my personal problems to see that they don't matter. It isn't life and death. And to quote Dr. Phil, I tell those around me, both family and coworkers, "Do I want to always be right, or do I want to be happy?" 

So I guess where I'm going with all of this is, did you guess wrong and lose a car on a game show? Not life changing. It was fun. It is a memory made and something you can share with your kids, grand kids and great grand kids (as long as the C.D. player isn't discontinued) OR Did you take a chance, give up a sure thing job to do what you love?

Chill out. I know it seems bad today....been there, done that. But in the grand scheme of things, will you even remember this two days or ten years from now. And have the common sense to KNOW what is a game changer and what is a time changer.

Want to see my Walk of Fame or should that be Shame? I act goofy and am shaking and on the verge of crying like a baby - particularly when I spun the Big Wheel for the Showcase Showdown, but it wasn't life changing. Winning a little bit of prize money just fun...good old fun.

Here's the link to one of my NON life important moments when I chose the wrong number....No need to wish about what might have been. It was a game, lots of people dream of being in my shoes for those few moments of fame.

Enjoy and don't beat me up to bad with the comments....I KNOW what a goofball I look like. Sorry to those in Ft. Worth that I embarrassed with my over the top accent :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2QrzcXvGzw&feature=BFa&list=FLuHqmws2_aUyYcwq3x4HbKw

The Price Is Right Taped October 29, 2008 in Los Angelos 

Good Night and Hugs to You All!

The View From Where I Am

The View From Where I Am

I just find this picture fascinating. I keep looking at it and thinking "That is how i feel!" I am always looking at the rear end of most situations. I am following behind, playing clean up, stepping in the poop left by others from their messes. Yes, I feel responsible to clean up the mess. 

I know in my head that this feeling of being responsible for everyone around me is a self imposed responsibility. No one really puts it on me......well, OK, some in my life Do put it on me but that is only because I have taken the responsible and always met their expectations that I will/can fix all the wrongs in their world. Again, this is because I have taken this role in the lives of those around me. 

Without question the biggest offenders are my kids. The problem is I haven't allowed them to grow up and live with their own personal choices. I just want to fix it all and pretend that all the world is perfect....at least I want those on the outside to THINK that my world is perfect. 

The world became aware just how imprefect my life was - as if they didn't already know - when my oldest son died in 2008. You see, he had an addiction. The problem with drug addiction isn't just with the addict. It permeates every person that the addict comes into contact with. It creeps in and hurts. Those around the addict are just collateral damage. 

There are always those that say "Well, if it were my child.....". The problem is, they AREN'T your child. They are my child. I love them. I want to make all the wrongs right. I want to make up for all the bad choices I made while trying the best I knew how. I want their life's to be immune to all the hurt.

The problem is, I can not make it all perfect and better. Anymore than I can make my own life perfect and better. I have learned that others fake it, probably better than I "fake" it. Why can't it just be a fact that we all admit our faults and help each other. Share our pains and hurts and know that someone won't wait until I am gone to gossip and whisper about how "messed up my family is". 

I know that is why I waste so much time watching The Real Housewives of ???? (fill in the blank) It's because I can watch these women's train wrecks in their own lives and it makes mine not see so bad (OR public). 

Tomorrow, my goal is to NOT feel like I am looking at the ass end of any situation. I will not take on the unrealistic responsibility of making everyone else lives around me seem or feel perfect. I am going to take care of myself, my husband that I love so much and know that this is just the best I can do and let the cards fall where they may.

Look at the picture, do you feel like this is your view of life?

The Comfort of a Quilt

I remember the last time my mother was in my home. It isn't so much the fact that she was there, but that for the first time in my life, I could remember her having an emotional attachment to things from her past. She had left my dad by this time and had a large box of things she wanted me to have.

She appeared at my door unexpectedly that day and dropped this large box off and was gone as quickly as she had shown up. I left the box sitting there for days. Afraid of what she might find important and sentimental. 

I opened the box after days and was shocked at the contents. Things I would have NEVER thought would be worthy of keeping. She had gotten rid of my Barbie dolls prior to our move from Ephrata, Washington to Little Rock Arkansas back in 1966. Having them in the car would just be to much trouble. She even cut all my hair off and gave me a "pixie" cut because caring for my hair was to much of a problem. 

In the box? Grandmother Williams purse. Her Sunday shoes. Her wedding ring almost worn completely thin. But the most prized items in that box were Grandmother Williams Bible and a quilt from 1937. It had been hand made by the women of my mothers family. Signatures had been hand embroidered and dated. The quilt was in like new condition. The flour sacks used to back this quilt still had the flour compan names clearly visible. I held that quilt and looked at it. Amazed it hadn't been disposed of. Surely it should have gone the way of my Barbie Dolls and hair. The names on the quilt were names I recognized from family discussion when I was younger. How had this survived my mother's lack of attachment to anything. ANYTHING including her husband and children. 

It would be years later before I had a conversation with my cousin asking her about some of the people from that side of my family. She had grown up in Oklahoma. Close to my grandparents. I had grown up a military child and we lived so far away that I hardly knew my grandparents. My cousin started sharing about our family. The people and the interesting history that every family has. Although, i don't know if every family has moonshine runners, killers, jealous husbands, and a famous Okie from Muskogee. That's right! I found out from discussion with my cousin about the names on the quilt that my mother is first cousins with THAT Okie from Muskogee. 

Eighteen years later my mother would be in my home again. She came, along with her husband, to my home to celebrate the marriage of my youngest child.....my only daughter. I ask mother about her first cousin and why she had never told us that she was related to Merle. Her answer astounded me and tells me so much about the insecurities I grew up with. She was in fact first cousins with the famous singer, but he was from the "trashy" side of the family. Family that she/we didn't want anyone to know we were kin to. Don't talk about it. It's an embarrassment. 

Really? Ok, NOW I know why I was never good enough. It was NOT that I didn't become a nurse, that I had married at sixteen - forget the fact that I am still married to the same man 36 years later, or that I wasn't thin enough. It was that she had lived her life to a standard that no one could achieve. It wasn't that "I" wasn't good enough.....NO ONE was good enough. 

I got the quilt out after she leaves and hold it. Smell it. Touch the embroidery that was done so lovingly by my family, MY KIN some 65 years ago. Some how that quilt survived. It was good enough that she - someone with no sentimental bones in her body - kept. For me. 

So, I now realize that those ladies, those precious family members were really good enough. The love they put in to that quilt was saved.  The love may have skipped a generation in my mother, but it landed on me and I will pass it down to my daughter.  Our family love won't skip a generation again if I can help it.